Whispered Wanderings

But is it really, where there’s no
conscious intent? An unfortunate
byproduct of codependency: these
attempts unaware, to control
how others feel about me.

I hate the word.
It’s not like I wake up every morning
and say to myself
“How will I manipulate
everyone around me today?”

No, what I wake up with
is worry that I’m not enough,
that I’ll never be enough;
that I felt unloved as a child
because I was undeserving.

It’s an awful word.
Just the sound of it,
implying so much negative intent:
when in my heart, all I ever wanted
was to be enough.

klm
6/5/24