Whispered Wanderings

(“Sweet, sweet surrender, live, live without care / Like a fish in the water, like a bird in the air” John Denver, Sweet Surrender)

Surrender’s a word I know nothing about.
Leastways, not in any good sense of the word.
Oh hell yeah, surrender to the shit I oughtn’t to!
But that kind ain’t sweet, and never will be.

I’ve always been that fish who fears water;
That lonely bird afraid of open sky.
The one who leaves first, so I can’t be left behind.
An empty well with no bottom in sight:
so it can never be truly filled,
not with what matters, anyway.

Nope, I’ve become some black hole of neediness;
suck you right in but then push you far away,
faster than you could ever comprehend.

The darkness within is deep and permeating and
sometimes I just need to get lost in it for a while.
But I’ll find my way back, eventually.
It won’t let me stay there for long; no one belongs there,
not even me.

Sweet surrender? Ha.

klm
3/31/24