Whispered Wanderings

It’s soul-shredding, you know:
this internal war between
the should and the want.
Compelling arguments from both sides
leave me lost in the middle,
wandering instead some bleak terrain of confusion
further complicated now by lack of need.
I almost wish there was no choice.
That you’d make the decision for me.
Yet certain that you won’t…
Because where would the growth be in that?

Still, I cannot accomplish the should,
as many times as I’ve tried…
and just as much remain unable to justify the want.
So here I must stay a little longer,
lost in my self-created purgatory
my heart and soul dismembered piece by piece
by this inability to choose.
Waiting perhaps for a divine push toward one or the other?
Waiting for a sign that will never come?
Still unable to believe that I have to find it inside
Myself.

klm
8/19/23