Whispered Wanderings

Too bad it wasn’t taught in school;
I sure didn’t learn it at home!
Instead, I was taught it was far better to be
like everyone else;
so what I learned instead
was to pretend I wasn’t
Me.

Extinguishing that fire,
the only way
to fit in.

Hell yes, I’m angry.
It’s taken me years of
painful excavation;
slowly, gradually, chipping away at the
layers upon layers of
carefully constructed masks I thought I needed
to be welcomed,
to be loved,
to be allowed to exist.

But just as I try to accept
that only ashes are left…
Through one last bit of the not-me
I see them:

Beautifully glowing embers
dancing together!
Waiting for that one sweet kiss of air
urging them back into glorious life
as the remaining layer falls away…

Embers, becoming flames again?
My heart, coming back to life?

Inexplicable warmth of self-acceptance
Sweetest nectar, as yet untasted
waiting,
waiting,
still waiting…

klm
5/15/23